In insects, repeated mating by females may have direct effects on female fecundity, fertility, and longevity. In addition, a female's remating rate affects her fitness through mortality costs of male harassment and ecological risks of mating such as predation. We analyse a model where these female fitness factors are put into their life‐history context, and traded against each other, while accounting for limitations because of mate availability. We solve analytically for the condition when female multiple mating will evolve. We show that the probability that a female mates with a courting male decreases with increases in population density. The extent of conflict between the sexes thus automatically becomes larger at higher densities. However, because at higher densities females meet males at a higher rate, the resulting ESS female remating rate is independent of population density. The female remating probability is in conflict with male adaptations that increase male mating rate by persuading or forcing females to mate, and also in conflict with male adaptations for protecting the own sperm from being removed by future female mates. We show that the relative importance of these conflicts depends on population density.